Russ Cantu

Guest Post by: Justin Humphreys

I recently read an editorial on CNN about married men not keeping their distance with single, female coworkers. In fact, the editor made a point that married men sometimes use work and late night meetings as a guise to meet with single ladies.

This caused me to think about married pastors and their relationships with women. When I was coming through bible college and doing internships it was drilled into me to be careful not just with the girls in our student ministry but also with the people we served with. I was told never meet with a female student without others around, never meet with female students for coffee one on one and to be very careful!

I probably became a little hypersensitive to the issue because of seeing men fall from the ministry. I have had a couple of pastors mention to me that they don’t have a problem meeting for coffee with women who volunteer on their teams. They say that their wives trust them and that it is just a part of the job. They say, “Hey, we are in a public place and there are always lots of people around.”

I was out to coffee with my wife a few months ago and I saw a man in his late 20’s working on a laptop with a bible nearby and then a high school girl walked in and sat down at the same table. I could tell that this man was connected to this girl through church. They began to have a very emotional conversation and the student began to cry. I told my wife that this situation was just wrong. This should have happened in an office with a window and perhaps with a female small group leader present.

I wonder how often pastors use work as their reason to meet with women? I wonder how often their wives don’t say how threatened they feel when these meetings take place? I wonder how many “moral failures” happened because of a simple meeting over coffee? How many people in that coffee shop watched as a pastor began his downfall?

It is our role as pastors to be above reproach. Paul told us that, “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” because we are God’s holy people.

We need to have boundaries when it comes to our relationships with women in our ministries and churches. We need to get energized by our relationship with God and our wives not by “meetings” with women. We need our wives to trust us that when we go off to work each day that we are working above reproach and that there is no hint of wrongdoing.

To check out what Justin is about, check his website for more info HERE.

This has been the most popular post on this blog over the past six months by far (posted July 27, 2009), having people return month and month, and reposting, referring to; Words of truth, straight from scripture and a life authentically lived has an opportunity to influence others toward God.

Proverbs 5:19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Words we don’t all too often think of when it comes to both scripture and our wives. In fact, I don’t even think I have ever heard a sermon preached on such a verse. Maybe it would be wise to go verse by verse through Proverbs, or maybe even Song of Solomon. Who knows? It could be an absolutely blast! At least you’d get people talking.

But beyond just an eye-catching and flashy verse, is the substance within it. It speaks on an intimate level of a lover to their love. The whole chapter is a warning against adultery. A call to realize how good you have it. And coming from Solomon, you have to recognize that this guy knew what he was talking about. Not just because he ‘got around’, but because the man, the king had several wives. More wives equals more trouble, and just pleasing one is hard enough as it is.

This past weekend I had an opportunity to drop the kids off at the in-laws house and head down to sunny San Diego and enjoy a few days away with the wife celebrating our anniversary. Truly, it was a good thing to get away. This is what I want to draw near to real quick: to get away.

As pastors and as men, we are confronted by the issue of adultery more than most. Whether it be the couple we are counseling, or the entrapment of adultery’s snare on our end, we are pressed hard on every side by temptation. And I think our view of adultery has expanded over the years too.

Adultery was once just considered to be between an adulterer/adulteress and a cheating spouse. Now the mistress can be something as simple (and complicated) as porn, a chat room; some even would say time and money. Sin is a whore.

Take time for example. You know, I’m not trying to be crude or anything, but without taking the time out of my busy schedule, how could I truly enjoy the relationship with my wife that God so desires me to have? Since having the kids, we haven’t taken a single vacation alone together. Sure, we have spent a day here and there away. But nothing of substantial time just the two of us. That’s both a product of a growing family, and a neglectful husband.

In Exodus, it took Moses’ father-in-law to work him into shape (Exodus 18). Today, who knows what it will take for you. For me, it was blazingly obvious that I needed to get away, and once I did, it was like a Mack truck smashing against my dull skull saying “you should have done this long ago”.

So I got with my wife and we enjoyed one another. Don’t look too far into this folks. Just enough to see that I have admitted I was wasting good time with my wife. That I recognized something needed to happen. And that I should heed the words of scripture and always be captivated by her satisfying love.